Dear Grandma

October 06, 2013  •  Leave a Comment
Dear Grandma Martin,

   I miss you so much.

   The strange part is I miss you more now than I did when you left us, eight years ago today. I was going through a difficult time when you left. Eighteen and having trouble finding the right path, I was also recovering from my car accident and attempting to figure out the college thing. I was actually back at Mom and Dad's for doctor's appointments when the phone rang around midnight. I instantly knew. A few minutes later, Mom opened the door and laid down next to me. I remember her saying, "I don't have any grandmas anymore" We cried together.

   Throughout my college years I always thought of you as watching me constantly. Every conversation, every late night, I just always imagined you being able to see and hear all that was going on in my life. After poor choices, I would apologize to you. After accomplishments, I would hope you were proud. Unintentionally, my conscience spoke to me in your voice, which, luckily, I still remember very well.

   When I met the person I am supposed to be with or when I graduated college, my sadness at your passing pooled. In these happy moments, I always struggled with the fact that you couldn't be present. I was a better person for having you in my life and it was incredibly sad to me that my other half, my professors, my friends would never truly know why. It stews in me that I let you see me like that in your last days of life. I should've told you that I would be okay one day, that everything would work out. I hope I didn't made you worry.

  A little while ago, I started a writing project about you. It's based on all the stories you used to tell me and the kind of person you were. Mom and Dad took me to your old schoolhouse and the home you and Grandpa lived in at Modoc Orchard. It felt strange being at your home 60-70 years after you lived there. I tried to imagine you bustling around, hanging clothes on the line or making dinner. I desperately wanted to see you in daily life, doing mundane tasks.

   I still have your jewelry box although Dad had to fix it up for me. Mom gave me your china. It's really beautiful. Sharna has your old autograph book. Every time we are laughing and reminiscing at her place over a glass of wine she brings it out. My favorite is the one from your parents on the day your sister got married in 1933:

"Dear Little Daughter

Some day twill all be over
The toils and cares of life
Some day this world vanquished
With all this mortal strife
Some day the journey ended
You will lay your burdens down
Some day in realms supernal
Receive at last your crown!

Central Point, Ore
Oct 29, 1933

Love
Mother and Daddy"

I promise to visit you and Grandpa at Mill Creek Falls soon.
Love you always Grandma, til next time.
-Kylie

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